Pause.... and play it again, differently

Is it the norm that age brings a hesitation to not just how one moves, but to how one talks and thinks.... and even wishes?

I have seen so many people become more cautious, more circumspect in their approach, as they add grey to their hair. And, I have grown to respect this deliberation that one scoffed at in younger times. The ability to see things from all angles, the ability to pause and reflect, to seek opinions and to take decisions that are tempered with kindness and compassion are traits that I'm beginning to value - even just about recognize - in 'maturer' people. I, of the quick to judge, quick to decide and quicker to action mode, often catch myself doing just this.

Perhaps, having spent five decades in living a life does this to one! The impetuousness, the steps stumbled, the follies committed, the experiences collected, the thirst for instant gratification - all meld into creating a mellowness that is so far removed from the strident, vibrant years gone by. Today, in silent contemplation, I checked myself from wishing for something very dear. In my mind's eye I saw the 20-something years old me desperately praying, even demanding from God. I remembered the fasts, the endless praying... and I also remembered some of it being granted. And then, some years later, the regretful realization that what I had held God virtually at ransom to, was maybe not the best for me.

I also saw that many of the things I'd wished for - that seemingly prize job, the swank house, the 'that one thing' - that hadn't come to me were for the best, for some good reason or the other. And, I saw that what I underwent at some point with a great deal of pain and forbearance, brought the richest, never-imagined rewards at the right time.

And so, many years ago, I began to realize that if you let it be, it will come to you. It will come if it's meant for you. It will come at the right time. It will come, not because you fought for it or yearned for it, but because He ordained it.

If this is age, and if it has made me pause and be cautious, I welcome it. If this is experience, and it has made me wiser and more patient, I value it.... immensely.